New rules

From a reader at Free New Mexican , commenting on a story about the marriage of two gay Spanish soldiers:
We need legislation to declare heterosexuality the official sexuality of our great free nation.

We also need to see all candidates for elective office demonstrate their heterosexuality on nationwide TV, including nude foreplay and verbal seduction. They will be allowed to smoke at the end of the demonstrations.

We should also detain citizens at random and subject them to a similar test to keep our country strong. Those who refuse or fail will be sent to Guantanamo until they've been rehabilitated.

This decisive action is needed, given that the threat of gay marriage is greater than the threat of global warming, bird flu, etc.
George and Laura bumping uglies? I'll pass.
4.7.06 15:13


Mo' flow a no show

Moses may have split the Red Sea, but Mohammed can alter the laws of hydrostatic pressure:
Officials in America and Lebanon say that they have disrupted a plot by foreign terrorists to attack New York’s transport network.

The New York Daily News reported that the scheme was to blow up the Holland Tunnel, the southernmost link between Manhattan and New Jersey, with the aim of causing a torrent of water to shoot out and flood New York’s financial district. Sources told the newspaper that the terrorists wanted to drown the area, as New Orleans was inundated by Hurricane Katrina.

The Daily News pointed out that as all of lower Manhattan is above the water level, it is unclear how flooding a tunnel could have affected higher ground.
Infidels! You and our Godless physics are no match for our blessed martyrs of Islam!

There's something fishy about these recent terrorist arrests. Last week there was a cult of black Jewish Christians with delusions of attacking Sears Tower. This week it's an internet chat conspiracy led by a man who couldn't make the cut in an elementary school science fair.

This is not to deny that there are Islamofascist whack jobs our there who want to kill Americans. It just seems strange that most of the conspirators arrrested so far seem about as threatening as the Seven Dwarfs.
7.7.06 21:51


The mauve napkin ring was the real tip off

Here's a late breaking bulletin from the war on terror: Eating chicken with currants can make you gay!
Most of the military's Meals, Ready-to-Eat (MREs) have simple, literal names--Hamburger Patty, Beef Stew, Cheese Tortellini. But there is one that is, well, a little different: Country Captain Chicken. One of General George Patton's favorite recipes, the dish features chicken breasts in a tomato sauce flavored with currants. Long after Patton's death, as the story goes, another general told the Natick Soldier Center, which oversees the military's ration program, that it ought to honor the legendary commander by making Country Captain Chicken into an MRE. So MRE-makers cooked up a prototype of the dish and tested it with soldiers. The Joes liked it. At first. "Our war-fighters gave it a thumbs up; it scored very high," Gerald Darsch, the Defense Department's director of combat feeding, told me. "But, within several years, it began to rate on the low end."

What happened? Country Captain Chicken got a reputation. During the initial invasion of Iraq, when I was embedded with the 101st Airborne Division, soldiers were fighting over the Hamburger Patty, but they left Country Captain for the reporters. "Country Captain Chicken," a young specialist told me, "will make you gay."
I wonder what they say about the Elton John Bratwurst Surprise?

h/t Kevin Drum
9.7.06 00:14


Paris Hilton swears off sex for a year

Obviously just a ploy to call attention to the failure of the Republican controlled Congress to fully repeal the estate tax.

h/t Huffington Post

 

 
11.7.06 17:58


Fo shizzle, freedom is stupid phat!

This week on America's most embarrassing home videos, hear President Bush say a naughty word, and address the Prime Minister of Great Britain as "Yo, Blair". Sure its entertaining, but do we really need open mic night to realize what an insecure rube Bush really is? The fact that this is news tell us more about the US media than about the government it covers. Most legacy news outlets are too skittish to dwell on Bush's true character. The swagger, the shallowness of thought, the "just folks" act. It's all just background, a canvas for equally shallow reporters to draw long, lazy circles and call it news.
17.7.06 23:49


Arab accomplishments

Sometimes it's hard to tell when a blatantly anti-Arab statement is made by a Malkinesque Western pundit, or by a Middle East leader. For example:
"...people are always putting down the Arabs and saying they cannot accomplish anything, but look at the Israeli warship in flames. That was an Arab accomplishment."
Who said that? Rush? Coulter? Ollie North?

No, it was Hasan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah, reminding us once again how the fruits of modernity quickly wither in the hands of zealots.

h/t Juan Cole.
19.7.06 20:44


Border whores

For years, the red-meat right has told us that illegal immigrants are criminals and that they are taking jobs away from real Americans. So far, President Bush has stood up to this crowd, but the GOP continues to split over the issue. One group, the Minutemen, couldn't wait for the guvmint to stop the Mexicans - they passed the hat around and formed their own militia to guard the border.

Now it looks like the Minutemen leadership are the real criminals.:
A growing number of Minuteman Civil Defense Corps leaders and volunteers are questioning the whereabouts of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of dollars in donations collected in the past 15 months, challenging the organization's leadership over financial accountability.

Many of the group's most active members say they have no idea how much money has been collected as part of its effort to stop illegal entry -- primarily along the U.S.-Mexico border, what it has been spent on or why it has been funneled through a Virginia-based charity headed by conservative Alan Keyes.

Several of the group's top lieutenants have either quit or are threatening to do so, saying requests to Minuteman President Chris Simcox for a financial accounting have been ignored.
What's the Spanish word for "Schadenfreude"?
23.7.06 20:56


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