Live blogging SOTU –
Hinderacker style!


"There's no time for fact checking when you're writing for a blog. It's all about speed." – Lawyer, craven opportunist, and journalism pioneer John Hinderacker of Powerline blog.

We join the state of the union live as Speaker Dennis Hastert gavels the proceeding to order, which is a signal for everyone to start clapping and yelling. Except for the Democrats.

Bush speaks of the privilege of being placed in office by the people he serves, then draws a parallel to the voters of Iraq and Pakistan, two red states with a combined electoral vote of 15, or one vote for every 100 young man and woman killed in action. "What will be the state of their union?" asks the President.

"Since I have done such a great job with the economy over the last four years, by cutting taxes, creating 2.3 million jobs, and raising homos, I mean, home ownership to an all time level, I have a man-date to make our economy stronger and more dynamic."

"We must demand more from our high schools, so that every high school diploma is a ticket to success, further strengthening the growing creation science sector."

"We must make health care more affordable, and work to bring down the cost of artificial limbs so all of our brave military men and women will have a leg to stand on."

"Nearly four years ago I submitted a comprehensive energy strategy. Four years is long enough. I urge congress to pass legislation that will make the US more secure and energy sufficient, so that we won't have to invade any more countries."

"Social security is a great moral promise that we must keep. But it is headed for bankruptcy in 2042. I know that seems like a far way off, and frankly, future President Jenna is too busy shaking her moneymaker in seedy Georgetown bars to give it much thought. So it's up to us."

"I support a constitutional amendment to protect the sacred institution of marriage from homeownership, I mean, homos."

"I will work with congress to make sure human embryos are not bought or sold, and will preserve their right to vote in Florida and Ohio."

"Since Sept. 11, 2001, we've taken unprecedented action to protect our homeland. We've cooked up phony allegations against a decrepid middle east dictator who had nothing to do with the terrorist attack, and then demonized political opponents who dared to question our competence. We've confused and scared the American people with phony figures and idiotic double talk. We've killed or captured one our of every three al Qaeda executives, and half of the middle managers listed in the al Qaeda annual report. And we've confirmed the worst fears of a majority of the world's muslims by using torture, just like the tinpot dictators that we purport to replace."

"I am sending my recently confirmed Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice to Israel, where she will further embarrass herself with a haircut that makes her look like Don King and Doris Day's love child."

"And I say to the rest of the world tonight, as you stand for your own liberty, America stands with you. Unless your country has oil."

"Our brave men and women are fighting terrorists in Iraq, so we aren't deterred from fighting the real enemy here at home - homos."

"And finally, I just want to say that Republicans are no more competent at foreign policy than Democrats. We're just better at making 51 percent of likely voters believe that we are. And we clap really loud. That's important, too."
3.2.05 03:45


Six feet under

Years ago, I was a young reporter on a small town newspaper in Michigan. One day a press release came across my desk from the Geerbach Funeral Home, informing me that the state legislature had just passed a truth in practices law for the state's funeral homes. Funeral directors, from that point on, would have to disclose costs up front to grieving customers.

I called Mr. Geerbach, and he gave me a wonderful interview, full of colorful but tasteful quotes. The story was practically writing itself. Then I called other funeral homes to give equal time. In a small newspaper market, it's important not to alienate potential advertisers.

But none of the other funeral home directors were prepared for my call. Some were unaware of the law. Others didn't answer their phone. None were even remotely capable of addressing how the new law would affect their business.

So I ended up with was a news story that made Mr. Geerbach look like the spokesman for every funeral home within 50 miles. Geerbach was already disclosing costs up front. Just the kind of person you'd trust to bury grandma. The competing had no comment.

Predictably, the other funeral home owners were not thrilled with my story. Several of them called the paper, wondering why I was giving free publicity to Geerbach.

I remembered this story the other night, while I was watching Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi stumble through the Democratic rebuttal to the President's state of the union address, the clueless morticians to George Bush's proactive, press savvy Geerbach. Clearly, they were outclassed.

The Republican publicity machine was everywhere Wednesday night. Do you think it was an accident that the grieving parents of a dead marine just happened to be sitting behind a grateful Iraqi woman who dodged suicide bombers to vote last Sunday? Did you notice that everyone else in the First Lady's section wore dark clothes - except for the Iraqi lady and the grieving mother? You could spot the actors from across the house floor, which is to say, when the camera pulled back.

Liberals and progressives are too logical for their own good, and need to get over the attitude that playing to the cameras is somehow distasteful. While George Bush is building a bullshit narrative about freedom and bravery and liberal wimpishness, the Democrats obliged Wednesday with Harry the mild-mannered bank clerk, and Nancy the sensitive aromatherapist.
4.2.05 22:59


Meet the Mess


Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld says it would be a terrible mistake for Iraq to adopt a fundamentalist Islamic government. But if that's what happens, it's a great thing, because at least they're voting.

I'm paraphrasing, of course, but my interpretation is as valid as anyone's. I'm watching Rummy slither and spin on Meet the Press, and he's not making any sense. Iraq has 135,000 security forces ready to battle insurgents, says Rummy, but we know that number is fiction. Iraqi security forces are more likely to throw their rifles away and run than to stand and fight, and the units themselves are riddled with fifth columnists who will sell out their comrades for a bowl of couscous. How many battle ready Iraqi forces does Iraq need in order for the US to leave? asks Tim Russert. Rumsfeld responds with some line of blather that doesn't come close to answering the question. You see, it's really none of our business.

Now Russert and Rummy are mixing it up about Specialist Wilson's now famous question about the lack of armor on military vehicles. Russert plays the clip. Rummy says it's unfair to take his reply out of context. He's really, really indignant that liberal media is not playing along. We're working hard on providing armor to the troops, and by Feb. 15 (Rummy looks at his watch), that nine days from now, all military vehicles operating outside of protected areas will have an appropriate level of armor.

I can't watch anymore.
6.2.05 15:25


George Bush's Saudi pals

After four years of vicious brow beating by the Bush adminstration, our friends and allies, the Saudis, have adopted a more tolerant attitude toward non-Muslims. These days Saudi citizens are told:
''Everyone who does not embrace Islam is an unbeliever and must be called an unbeliever. . . . One who does not call the Jews and the Christians unbelievers is himself an unbeliever."

 ''Whoever believes that churches are houses of God . . . or that what Jews and Christians do constitutes the worship of God . . . is an infidel."

 To offer greetings to a Christian at Christmas -- even to wish ''Happy holidays" -- is ''a practice more loathsome to God . . . than imbibing liquor, or murder, or fornication."

 Jews ''are worse than donkeys." They are the corrupting force ''behind materialism, bestiality, the destruction of the family, and the dissolution of society.

 Muslims who convert to another religion ''should be killed because [they] have denied the Koran."

 Democracy is ''responsible for all the horrible wars" of the 20th century, and for spreading ''ignorance, moral decadence, and drugs."
The house of Saud has obviously gone soft. Jews have been upgraded from "apes and pigs" to something approximating equus asinus. The fatwa against Santa Claus has been lifted, in favor of a mere snubbing of Christmas revelers.

Clearly, freedom is on the march.


Best. Blog. Ever.

From Juan Cole - who else?
A lot of Americans believe whatever Cheney says, though I cannot for the life of me understand why, since he lies to them relentlessly. He is the one who tried to link Saddam and al-Qaeda operationally. He even once said he knew exactly where Iraqi weapons of mass destruction were. Most people will only remember that Cheney said there wouldn't be an Iraqi theocracy, but won't bother to actually read the newspapers on Monday...

Although George Orwell/ Eric Blair wrote 1984 as an anarcho-syndicalist socialist critique of Stalinism, it is becoming increasingly clear that it was also prophetic about the direction of Late Capitalist societies characterized by corporate media consolidation. In such a society, Cheney can substitute himself for Sistani and speak for Sistani, erasing the real Sistani just as the Republican pundits have erased the real Iraq. "Ignorance is knowledge."
I have to admit, I gave way to despair watching Donald Rumsfeld lie his way through his Meet the Press interview yesteday morning. The alternate reality posed by this administration is like a tsunami that washes away 200 years of Democratic impulse. After a while, you just sort of give up and let the waves wash over you, waiting for that warm feeling of peace that comes just before the end. Then you walk towards the light.

But then I read Juan Cole, and the light fades to black, and I open my eyes, and world comes back into focus. I grab onto a floating palm tree, and there dead ahead - land! I'm saved!
7.2.05 04:17


GOP phone jammer jailed

Allen Raymond, Republican consultant, is going to jail.
Court papers say Raymond and co-conspirators plotted to jam Democratic lines that voters could call for rides to the polls in Manchester, Nashua, Rochester and Claremont. A line run by the nonpartisan Manchester firefighters' union also was jammed.

The blizzard of more than 800 computer-generated calls lasted about 90 minutes on Nov. 5, 2002, as voters decided races for governor, U.S. senator and hundreds of other offices.

State Republicans acknowledged two years ago they hired GOP Marketplace. But then-Republican Chairwoman Jayne Millerick said the company was paid $15,600 for telemarketing services to encourage people to vote Republican, not to jam lines.
The conceipt here, of course, is that jamming Democratic phone lines was solely Raymond's idea, and in no way authorized or condoned by GOP higher ups. Wil Raymond name names? Time to break out the water board.


Rhymes with punt

Is Bill O'Reilly incapable of telling the truth?? Fox Sports contracted the loofah-loving self-abuse afficianado to write a one-page "inspirational essay" for a collectible Super Bowl program. O'Reilly told the heartwarming story of his college gridiron days, and how he won the national punting title for his division as a senior. Longtime O'Reilly observers can guess what's coming next. O'Reilly's alma mater, Marist College, didn't have a varsity football team until seven years after O'Reilly graduated.

Maybe O'Reilly should just stick to reading other people's copy from a script. After a while, he could earn enough trust to give the correct time, or perhaps label simple objects. But I don't think he can ever be trusted to talk about himself or others.
9.2.05 15:21


Drink up, America!




Hat tip to The People's Republic of Seabrook


Poll shows declining confidence in Bush

The Associated Press's periodic poll of the President's approval rating shows that 54 percent of Americans disapprove of George Bush's performance in office, while 45 percent think torture and lying about social security totally rocks.

Americans between the ages of 30 and 50 were about evenly split on Bush's job performance, while the greatest decline in confidence in Bush comes from those 50 and over, according to the AP. Republicans, as usual, give him high approval, Democrats low.

Editor's note: Mr. Heraldblog turns 50 next week Wednesday, so continuing readers of this blog can expect extra snark starting Feb. 17.
11.2.05 04:23


Friday khat blogging




Khat (pronounced "cot") is a natural stimulant from the Catha Edulis plant, found in the flowering evergreen tree or large shrub which grows in East Africa and Southern Arabia. It reaches heights from 10 feet to 20 feet and its scrawny leaves resemble withered basil.
11.2.05 17:05


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