Hate makes you crazy




Oliver Willis says hate is making the red meat right crazy. Clinton hate made them crazy in the 90s, and now that half of Americans think invading and occupying Iraq wasn't such a hot idea after all, Kerry hate is driving 'em crazy in the oh-ohs.

But the hate bug has found a willing host in the loony left, and Dems need to beware. One of the most encouraging signs coming out of the Boston convention was a feeling of optimism, and the real possibility that Kerry can take the high road from here on, make Bush look like, well, a hater.


Enjoy

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." -Jay Leno

"President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot." - Jay Leno

"President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, "Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?" - Jay Leno

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News." - Craig Kilborn

"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. For President Bush it's different, his magic number is 5. That's the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win." - Jay Leno

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully since President Bush." - David Letterman

"A new poll says that if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat President Bush by a double digit margin. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month." - Jay Leno

"The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs." - Jay Leno

"In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there." - Craig Kilborn

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." - Jay Leno

"The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." - Jay Leno

"There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots." - David Letterman

"The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy.'" Jay Leno

"On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?" - Jay Leno

"This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign appearance with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him." - Conan O'Brien

"It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was." - Craig Kilborn

"As you know President Bush gave his State of the Union Address, interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by really big words." - Jay Leno

"President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're going to need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, because that's where the jobs went." - Jay Leno

"President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again." -David Letterman

"Former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill has written a book about his years with the Bush Administration. He said that President Bush while at cabinet meetings is disengaged, he's uninformed, distracted, he's passive, and the Democrats are saying to themselves " how can we possibly beat this guy?" - David Letterman

The new Prime Minister of Spain has called the war in Iraq a disaster, and plans to bring his troops home as soon as possible. In fact, President Bush is so upset at Spain that he is now threatening to close down the border between Spain and the U.S. - Jay Leno

"The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes." Conan O'Brien

"Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up." - Jay Leno

"Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for President Bush, he can't just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies." - Jay Leno

"President Bush spoke briefly to reporters before playing a round of golf in Crawford, Texas earlier today. ... This raises the question: Shouldn't the guy who is really running the country and who has had like 20 heart attacks be taking the vacation?" - Craig Kilborn

"While speaking to conservationists this week, Dick Cheney made it clear that he plans to deal with the rising gas prices by drilling in our federal wildlife refuge in Alaska. Cheney tried to sway his opponents saying trust me, there's enough oil up there to last us the rest of my natural life." - Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
1.8.04 04:10


WWMD




What would Machiavelli do?

That's the question posed by Robin Wright in an NYT opinion piece. Wright says the Muslim world has turned against us in the past three years, due almost entirely to President Bush's manly-man posturing in The War Against Terror. The proper Democratic response to this is not to say Muslims need to love us, which would surely bring the dreaded "wimp" label down on Kerry, a decorated combat veteran, from right wing pundits who studiously avoided military service. Instead, says Wright, the Democrats need to frame the debate in term of America's need for respect from the Muslim world. Even that manly-man Machiavelli would agree:
"Though he favored fear over love, he said that being feared and loved is the best situation of all. And failing that, a leader at least "ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred." If George W. Bush is too macho for Machiavelli, then surely John Kerry can make the case that Mr. Bush is too macho for America. "

Kim Il Bush

You don't have to travel to North Korea to get a taste of loyalty oaths or The Beloved Leader. A report from Albuqeurque, New Mexico.
2.8.04 15:23


Kerry Ferry




Not much happens in Bay View, the Milwaukee neighborhood where I live. So it was pretty exciting stuff when John Kerry crossed Lake Michigan this afternoon on the Lake Express Ferry, landing at the docks about one mile from my house. I heard he was supposed to be in town Monday, speaking downtown about 4:30 pm. I turned on the news at 5 pm, hoping to hear a live remote from Pere Marquette Park, on the banks of the aptly named Milwaukee River, site of the planned gathering. That's when I learned that Kerry was on the ferry, and would be docking at 6 pm.

I left home at 6 pm, knowing from experience that the boat always runs 15 minutes late. I rode my wife's mountain bike, since my trusty Schwinn Continental has two flat tires and no brakes. I huffed and puffed up Superior Ave., and when I came within site of the dock I saw the ferry just pulling up, flanked by two Coast Guard escorts.

The security presence was not overwhelming as I had expected. I rode right by uniformed motorcycle cops, looking bored on their Harleys, and pulled up about fifty feet from the ferry's twin bows. Kerry was standing on the starboard, on the top deck, near the wheelhouse, or poop deck, or whatever the hell it's called, waving at a small but exhuberant crowd. Wife Teresa stood nearby, in a red dress, snapping photos of the people who were snapping photos of she and her husband.

More waiting, as the press pool and normal people left the boat. About four or five TV cameras stood ready to capture the moment when the Senator from Massachusets stepped onto the gangplank. Waiting. Waiting. Then he appeared, waving, smiling. Someone remarked how tall Kerry is. He seems to stand a head taller than everyone around him. He spent the next ten minutes hidden in a crush of people important enough to be allowed past the secret service into the gated area around the boat. The rest of us mortals stood in bare dirt, just off the pavement. I tried to approach the gated area, and was waved back by a polite but firm policeman. "Stay away from the motorcade," he said. Kerry left the gated area, so he was visible for another second, waving, smiling. He got into a big black car.

I got back on my girlie mountain bike and headed toward the entrance to the dock complex. I leaned my bike against a light pole, and waited for five minutes until the motorcade passed. Kerry was looking the other way. Waving, smilng.

Then I went back home.




I'm George W. Bush and I approviate this message

Hilarious.

(Thanks to Josh Marshall.)
3.8.04 03:42


The Bushies' imaginary friends




A quick show of hands: how many of you have received the foilowing e-mail? It's been circulating on the internet while the chads were still hanging during the 2000 election. Now, the GOP faithful are trotting it out again, as proof of something, exactly what, I'm not sure.

Reliable reader Roger O. in Michigan has challenged me to critique it, and to publish it here. So here goes. My comments will follow throughout in italics.

At about the time our original 13 states adopted their new constitution, in the year 1787, Alexander Tyler (a Scottish history professor at The University of Edinborough) had this to say about "The Fall of The Athenian Republic" some 2,000 years prior.

According to the informed folks at Snopes.com, where critical thinking skills are not in short supply, there is no evidence that a Scottish history professor named Alexander Tyler ever taught at the University of Edinburgh. There was, however, a man named "Lord Woodhouselee, Alexander Fraser Tytler, who was a Scottish historian/professor who wrote several books in the late 1700s and early 1800s.

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government. A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, (which is) always followed by a dictatorship."

OK, so we've already established that Alexander Tyler exists solely in the minds of red state-of-mind yahoos, and as an imaginary playmate on right-wing geocity websites. But is it possible that he said this anyway? One clue might be found in the reference to a book called "The Fall of The Athenian Republic", cited in the previous paragraph. Supposedly there is such a book. Here's Snopes on that:

"...there is no record of The Fall of the Athenian Republic or The Decline and Fall of the Athenian Republic in the Library of Congress, which has several other titles by Tytler."


Ooops. Furthermore, the literary works of Lord Woodhouselee are available on-line, and searchable. A search for the words Athenian Republic, democracy, generous gifts, public treasury and other keys subjects does not yield the quote so liberally, if I can use that awful word, attributed to Lord Woodhouselee, aka Alexander Tytler, aka Rush Liimbaugh's imaginary playmate. Let's continue, shall we?

"The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, these nations always progressed through the following sequence:

From Bondage to spiritual faith;
From spiritual faith to great courage;
From courage to liberty;
From liberty to abundance;
From abundance to complacency;
From complacency to apathy;
From apathy to dependence;
From dependence back into bondage."

The paragraph tells me two things. First of all, that the GOP faithful have given up touting Bush's record as President, and have instead resorted to making stuff up and hoping no one notices. Second, that the author of this ingenious piece of virtual folderol needs to finish his GED.

How does one launch an argument with the proposition that Democracies are temporary in nature, and then offer as "proof" that the average age of all civilizations, almost all of which were non-Democracies, is 200 years? That's like saying that most dogs only live to 10 years of age, because the average age of all the mammals is only 9.8 years.

Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts
concerning the most recent Presidential election:

Square miles of land won by:
Gore=580,000
Bush=2,2427,000

A meaningless statistic. Do cornfields vote now?

States won by:
Gore=19
Bush=29

19+29=48 Hmmmm? Who won the other two - Lyndon LaRouche?

Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:
Gore=13.2
Bush=2.1

Too stupid for words. Just go to snopes.com and search "Tytler" for a long explanation of why these numbers are bogus.

Professor Olson adds:
"In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush won was mostly the land owned by the tax-paying citizens of this great country. Gore's territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off government welfare..."

Olson believes the U.S. is now somewhere between the "complacency and "apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy; with some 40 percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

Now hold on to your seat: There really is a Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law, which no doubt comes as great comfort and relief to reliable reader Roger O. of Michigan. The bad news, O, is that Professor Olson denies ever assembling the above "facts." Which aren't facts.

Pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake in this Election Year and that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

Apparently, for the Bushies, realization comes from spreading fabricated quotes from fictitious historical figures, and citing books that don't exist. I agree that apathy is a great danger to our freedom, but to say it's the greatest is stretching things a bit.

In fact, for people who rely on imaginary ideological soul mates for comfort, apathy is an ally. Heck, it's all they got.
4.8.04 01:09


Dick Cheney and shareholder fraud

Josh Marshall wonders why the press isn't all over this one: The SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for misleading investors in 1998, at which time Dick Cheney was the company's CEO.

The case involves accounting changes which are legal, but must be disclosed to shareholders. They weren't. Under the new, undisclosed changes, Halliburton's profit appeared to be 46 percent higher than they were under the old accounting practices. As Marshall puts it, it's like switching from fahrenheit to celcius without telling anyone.

So the big question is: Did Cheney know about the accounting changes in 1998 that had led to higher than expected profits, and did he know the changes were being kept from shareholders? This is not nitpicky stuff. We're talking about the kind of fraud that sends naught CEO's off to federal prison for 18 months of forced golf course maintenance.

And yet, when Cheney's lawyer was asked if his client was aware of the accounting changes, the lawyer declined comment.
5.8.04 14:53


Our special needs President

President Bush and torture go back a long ways, if you count the tortured syntax that spews forth each time he strings two or more sentences together. Here's Dubya's latest crime against the English language:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," George Bush told an audience of military brass and Pentagon chiefs. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Now, I think I know what he meant: that al Qaeda is plotting newer and more clever ways to kills thousands of infidels, and that the White House's crack team of pretend terrorists is working around the clock to anticipate bin Laden's next move. But it didn't come out that way. Taken at his word, it would seem that Bush has a vendetta against Americans. Red state, blue state, it doesn't matter. He wants to hurt us.

But this is one of those times when we shouldn't take Bush at his word.

Nothing to see hear, citizens. Move along.
7.8.04 00:38


Is President Bush a victim?


One of the explanations offered in defense of the President, with regards to his acting on phony intelligence to justify a war, is that the President didn't know any better. After all, the line goes, if John Kerry and many Democrats were also convinced of Sadam's evil intentions, then is it really fair to blame the President for thinking the same? After all, Kerry sat on the Senate Intelligence Committee, and he said many times in the run up to war that Sadam was a dangerous fellow.

This President-as-victim script is a new low for the GOP, and it must pain Karl Rove greatly to have to play this card so early, if at all. I thought the Republicans were the party of foreign policy competence? And the word "victim" is too vulgar to be uttered by even Dick Cheney, i.e. Go victim yourself.

Can you imagine the political fallout that would have occured if Bill Clinton had acted on phony intelligence during his two terms?

But the real issue here is how much slack do we give a Commander in Chief who falls victim to bad intelligence?

Intelligence, the President's supporters like to point out, is rarely precise. The best a CIA analyst can do is assemble known facts, and then put those facts together to form a possible narrative to best explains those facts.

I don't buy the leftist line that Bush lied about the intelligence he received in the years leading up to the war. That's a serious charge, and I need to see proof. A far likelier explanation is that the former 1-1/2 term governor of Texas does not possess the requisite critical thinking and managerial skills necessary to be the leader of the free world.
7.8.04 16:35


 [next page]